Monday, May 21, 2012

A Love Letter...

Dear Future Husband,

Its been 10, 752 days without you so far.

In that time, I have done my very best to try to find you and now all I know is who you aren't.

I know you're not Robert. I know that because he was my first ever boyfriend. I was 12. I threatened to beat him up if he didn't go out with me. We broke up in gym class. I threw stuff at him. I know you're not Ralph. I know that because he was my first blind date. We went to McDonald's before the monster truck rally. He licked McRib sauce off his shirt and I spent most of the night crying in the bathroom. I know you're not Chad. I know that you're not because he was my second blind date. He made out with my best friend. Then he tried to convince me he was an expert swordsman.

I know that you aren't Robin. I know that because he was my first fiance (long story). He asked me to marry him when I was 14 from a payphone while he was sitting in his Camero. He also tried to light my sleeve on fire and I had to hide from him in a video store. I know you're not Ben. I know that because he left me on our first date to go to a concert with his friends. His cousin yelled at me and called me an awful name.Then on our second date he didn't speak to me the entire time. I know that you aren't the countless men I saw on the internet dating websites either. Guys that had profile names like ToughGuy123 or DreamMan22. I know that because they would send me awkward messages that I would ignore. I know you aren't the guy who flirted with me at the gas station. I know you aren't the man who whistled at me and pronounced I was "Fiiine." I know you aren't the boys who shot me down. I know you aren't the guys who never called. I know you aren't the ones who stopped calling.

I know this because that's not what love looks like. Its not what it feels like. I know this because once you found me, you would have never let me go. I know that these were just mile markers on the journey to you. I must say, I am grateful for that. I am grateful for the journey. I am grateful for the knowledge of who you won't be so I can appreciate the reality of who you will be even more. I am grateful that the damage to my heart was minimal and there aren't stolen pieces in the hands of all the wrong men. And no matter what happens from here, I hold fast to these thoughts. I will never regret one minute of it all. Even if you never come, I am better because these memories were made.  Every tear shed, every disappointment, every awkward laugh and embarrassing moment brought me one step closer. One step closer to you. I put myself out there. I didn't hide in my house, waiting for you to show up at my door. I was seen. I was heard. I got hurt. I got rejected. I tried. I let myself be vulnerable because you were worth it to me. You are worth it to me.

10, 752 days without you. Here's hoping for a lifetime with you.

Your Future Wife.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

An Important Word...

The world needs more men to speak out like this. Women need to hear it.

If you want to check out his blog go to:

Monday, May 14, 2012

10 Little Things: Workout Jams...

HEY! Its been awhile since we did a 10 Little Things, but its Monday and we're back baby! Well recently, I have been taking more of an initiative to get into shape. For me, my greatest motivator is music. The right songs on my ipod and I could run a marathon...well...maybe just down the street. are my top 10 favorite workout jams of the moment:

1. Wisin & Yandel -Follow the Leader ft. Jennifer Lopez.  Now you will have to excuse Miss Lopez for forgetting her top in the beginning of the video. I love this song's beat. I use this song for shadowboxing.

2. Beyonce- Move Your Body. This song is awesome because it has a built in workout in the song. Its a great one to do with your kids because dancing is a workout anyone can enjoy. Don't worry about doing every step perfectly...just dance!!!!

3. Mary Mary- In the Morning. Good warmup song. Bring a lil' Jesus into the mix. Remember..when its getting hard to keep going, its in your weakness His strength is made perfect. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

4. Kirk Franklin- Revolution. I have always loved this song. Anther good warmup or even just to dance with your kids in the living room!

5. Trin-I-Tee 5:7- Holla (remix). I LOVE this song. This would be a good one for step aerobics or squats.

6. Eric Hutchinson- You Don't Have to Believe Me. I love to dance to this. I love the lyrics. Such a fun song.

7. Shakira- Waka Waka. I love when we did this song in Zumba class. If you have never heard of Zumba, check it out!!! So much fun!

8. Michael Jackson- P.Y.T. Another fave from Zumba. We did this for our cool down. Great to stretch to.

9. Beastie Boys-Sabotage. Ah..the Boys. We miss you Adam! This is a great jam for weight lifting. This song makes you feel like you are the toughest kid in the gym.

10. Rihanna- Only Girl In the World. Oh Ri have such dancy songs. Another good jam for what ails ya. This song is good for a run, aerobics, kickboxing, dancing... whatever. Just move!!!

These are some of my faves. What are yours?

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

In Prison...


As for you also,
Because of the blood of your covenant,
I will set your prisoners free from the waterless pit.
Return to the stronghold,
You prisoners of hope.
Even today I declare
That I will restore double to you.

-Zechariah 9:11-12

So here's the truth...the plain, honest truth.

I am in prison.
I think I might be there on purpose.
I think that maybe I like these bars around me.
No one can get too close that way.
Not even the Lord.
Prison can seems like a great idea at first.
Alone time.
Time to reflect.
You get left alone.
No one to make you mad.
No one to hurt you.
No one to disappoint you.
Its just you, your bars and your thoughts.
But after awhile you see your not really alone.
The cell is filled with all your old demons.
Hail hail...the gang's all here.
There will always be someone making sure you're never lonely.
The Father sends His spirit.
The enemy sends his friends.
I have played this game with the Lord for years.
Lord let me love you.
Let me cling to you.
Let me worship you.
Okay now go away, I'm bored.
I can do this myself.
I don't want to obey.
I don't care what your word says.
I'm angry at you.
I just want to be alone.
Its become such a habit I don't even realize until I'm deep in it.
I haven't picked up my Bible in a long time.
I haven't prayed sincerely in an even longer time.
I'm finding it harder and harder to stay strong.
To persevere.
I'm finding my flesh weaker by the minute.
So here I am again. 
In prison. 
All my old friends pacing the floor.
It seems too much to even try to tell the Lord I'm sorry.
To ask for forgiveness.
But here is the great thing.
Today while I was working I heard this voice.
This still, small voice.
You know what it said?
"You have to fight. Don't let him win."
It wasn't an angry voice.
It wasn't filled with disappointment.
There was no guilt.
It was just quiet and loving.
It was Jesus.
He was urging me to come out.
To be free.
So here is the truth.
Jesus cam to set the captives free.
To open the bars and let the prisoners make a run for it.
That means you.
That mean me too.
We can be as free as we want to be.
Or...we can stay in chains.
We have a choice.
Please don't let me stay in chains.
Remind me that I told you this.
Hold me accountable to accept this freedom.
I'll do the same for you.

Father, I simply ask this. Give me the presence of mind to recognize when I am falling i love with bondage. Call to remembrance the goodness of your intentions towards me and the wonder of your presence. Forgive my stupidity and ungratefulness. Forgive me for thinking for even one second that my flesh can be trusted. Bring to light the darkness of my own heart. Reveal to me what must die so you might live in me fully. Shake these prison walls around me down to rubble and I will come out singing. 


Monday, May 7, 2012

My Song/ Video Blog...

 (go to the bottom of the page to pause the music...then you can hear my awesomeness better ;)  )

My Song/ I will Sing Hallelujah

When first You set Your gaze on me,
You broke my heart eternally.
You opened doors and set me free.
When first You set Your gaze on me.

When first Your heart my eyes beheld,
A chord was struck and the music swelled.
All my empty wells were filled.
When first Your heart my eyes beheld.

And I will sing
And I will sing
And I will sing
Oh I will sing...

When first my heart You rested on,
The shadows fled in the breaking dawn.
The night was done, the Son had come.
When first my heart you rested on.

And I will sing
And I will sing
And I will sing
Oh I will sing...

And when You scarred Your hands for love,
the bride was kissed by God above,
And by the beauty of the Holy Dove.
Oh when you scarred Your hands for love.

And the angels sing
And the angels sing
And the angels sing
And the angels sing...

And we will sing
And we will sing 
And we will sing
And we will sing...

Because Your beauty sings...
And your mercy sings...
So we will sing...

Lyrics Written By Amanda Harman