Wednesday, May 9, 2012

In Prison...


As for you also,
Because of the blood of your covenant,
I will set your prisoners free from the waterless pit.
Return to the stronghold,
You prisoners of hope.
Even today I declare
That I will restore double to you.

-Zechariah 9:11-12

So here's the truth...the plain, honest truth.

I am in prison.
I think I might be there on purpose.
I think that maybe I like these bars around me.
No one can get too close that way.
Not even the Lord.
Prison can seems like a great idea at first.
Alone time.
Time to reflect.
You get left alone.
No one to make you mad.
No one to hurt you.
No one to disappoint you.
Its just you, your bars and your thoughts.
But after awhile you see your not really alone.
The cell is filled with all your old demons.
Hail hail...the gang's all here.
There will always be someone making sure you're never lonely.
The Father sends His spirit.
The enemy sends his friends.
I have played this game with the Lord for years.
Lord let me love you.
Let me cling to you.
Let me worship you.
Okay now go away, I'm bored.
I can do this myself.
I don't want to obey.
I don't care what your word says.
I'm angry at you.
I just want to be alone.
Its become such a habit I don't even realize until I'm deep in it.
I haven't picked up my Bible in a long time.
I haven't prayed sincerely in an even longer time.
I'm finding it harder and harder to stay strong.
To persevere.
I'm finding my flesh weaker by the minute.
So here I am again. 
In prison. 
All my old friends pacing the floor.
It seems too much to even try to tell the Lord I'm sorry.
To ask for forgiveness.
But here is the great thing.
Today while I was working I heard this voice.
This still, small voice.
You know what it said?
"You have to fight. Don't let him win."
It wasn't an angry voice.
It wasn't filled with disappointment.
There was no guilt.
It was just quiet and loving.
It was Jesus.
He was urging me to come out.
To be free.
So here is the truth.
Jesus cam to set the captives free.
To open the bars and let the prisoners make a run for it.
That means you.
That mean me too.
We can be as free as we want to be.
Or...we can stay in chains.
We have a choice.
Please don't let me stay in chains.
Remind me that I told you this.
Hold me accountable to accept this freedom.
I'll do the same for you.

Father, I simply ask this. Give me the presence of mind to recognize when I am falling i love with bondage. Call to remembrance the goodness of your intentions towards me and the wonder of your presence. Forgive my stupidity and ungratefulness. Forgive me for thinking for even one second that my flesh can be trusted. Bring to light the darkness of my own heart. Reveal to me what must die so you might live in me fully. Shake these prison walls around me down to rubble and I will come out singing. 


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