Saturday, February 19, 2011

No Sacrifice.....

To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to

To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to
To you I give the gifts
 Your love has given me

How can I hoard the treasures that you've designed for free?
To you I give my future

As long as it may last

To you I give my present

To you I give my past

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life
 - Jason Upton "No Sacrifice"

So obviously I love writing. I have always loved it. But it was always something I put on the back burner because I had greater ambitions: to get married. Convinced this was my calling in life, I was determined to the point of tunnel vision that the only God meant for me to be was a a wife and a mother.....that I was going to be the Dalai Lama or something of wives and parents... or some silliness of such. This was the only thing I could see for myself. Don't misunderstand, it is the noblest of professions...such a gift from the Lord. I have such respect for mothers and parents and honor them greatly for what they give to the Lord. Its awesome. But it was becoming a bit of an idol in my life.
 Like I didn't exist, my life hadn't begun, because I hadn't accomplished this goal.

And unfortunately a lot of valuable years were wasted because I refused to see any other possibilities but what I wanted to happen. I sought the will of the Lord for my life but would always skew it to fit my purposes. I was still writing..songs, poems, stories, etc. But I never allowed myself to see that there might be something to this whole writing thing...never thought I would ever be good enough to make something of it.But what did it matter? I was going to be a wife and a mother...who has time for such things? It was completely inconceivable for me to be able to do both. That mothers or wives weren't able to be anything/ do anything other than fill those titles. I was just going to be a happy housewife....and that was about as far as I got.

But this year, God began to do something miraculous. He took the blinders off. He began stripping me away piece by piece. He began to show me what was really in my heart and areas of healing. Its been a slow by day...week by week. But its been so amazing how tender and gracious He's been in it.

About a week or so ago I submitted a piece from this blog to an online devotional called Our Daily Journey. I had been really feeling from the Lord to pursue writing more wholeheartedly and thought this would be a good way to put my stuff out there. Well they accepted it and I was waiting for it to be published on their site. It never popped up. Meanwhile, as I was waiting, throughout this week I had been having dreams and thoughts, confirmations from others that I felt like God was asking me to lay down my desire to get married. Probably not forever but for awhile....that He wanted me to acknowledge the possibility I was meant for other things.
That if I could lays this down, this massive idol in my life, this thing I had been clinging to for years...that He could open my eyes to treasures that accompany a life of true surrender. That by saying "Not my will but Yours be done", there was such an open door for him to flood my life with opportunity.

Because when I lay down my will and allow His to be my focus, I'm no longer hindering His Spirit from sweeping through the path of my life and color it with splendor....paint it with ideas....shade it with promise.

So not long after speaking these very thoughts to a close friend, I saw that my story had finally gotten put on the website. It had actually been up for about a week but I had been looking in the wrong section of the site. And the funniest part of it all? It was published on Valentine's day.
 So I urge you, dear reader, don't not be discouraged by what you will lose by following God's will. He loves you and only wants the absolute best for your life. But His best isn't always ours. Sometimes its not easy or comfortable. But I promise you this, its absolutely worth the sacrifice. After all,what could we possibly make with our hands that would be even half as beautiful. He is the Creator after all. He can take the mundane and make it glorious with a whisper. 
So see...really, in the end, its no sacrifice. Its just having good taste in decorating.

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ."
Philippians 3:7

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