Saturday, April 17, 2010

A Dandy Lion....

"...the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force." Matthew 11:12

So it always seems to be when I'm struggling to hold on to something, the Lord reminds me how much I need to let go. Tiny boxes...tiny mind sets...tiny expectations...these are the formats I so often seem to put God in. Last weekend was amazing. I never felt the Lord so strong in my whole life. We had a conference about children at my church and I just got wrecked. It was amazing because I felt really filled up for the week t come.I started a new job this week. Oh buddy....its hard. Not in a bad just a lot to do and not a lot of time for me. And as the unofficial Queen of Control....this is a hard one for me. I like my plans, my lists, my control, my timing and my order....leaves very little room for anyone's ideas of what my day should look like.

I watch two little girls, ages 5 and 8. The youngest is home with me all day while the oldest is at school. I cook, clean, teach, run errands, make plans, and drive to lessons from 7:30 in the morning until around 6 at night, Monday through Friday. By the time I get home and get settled and scrounge up something to shove down my throat, its almost time to go to bed. Its hard...but I sooooo know I'm getting trained for my own family. That parts pretty cool. But it leaves very little down time, which I'm sure all you mom's know exactly what I'm talking about.I've been so tired, its even been hard to sleep...I can't seem to unwind.And worst of all, my prayer time and quiet time have been virtually non-existent.what a difference a week can make.

By the end of the week I was really starting to feel it all crashing down on me. I was exhausted, emotionally drained, physically drained and my God tank was so on E. I felt overwhelmed and alone.How is that possible? In one week, I crashed that hard? Was this attack?

The youngest child loves dandelions...a lot. And there just so happens to be a huge yard full of them across the street. So we decided one afternoon to go pick some and make wishes. Trying to stuff it all down, and was pretending I didn't notice how empty I felt and was jovially making dandelion wishes. I wished for up each dandelion gingerly and blowing as hard as I could to get all the fuzz off at once so it would come true. Well, the little girl was watching me and she looks at me with a grin and says, "No, you do it like this." Then she proceeds to jump up and down as hard as she can, smashing bunches of dandelions to smithereens...all the while laughing hysterically.

I was taken aback. Child like faith is so amazing...
Here I was, excepting my fate...half-hearted and careful....making wishes for things I didn't believe would really happen...and she was taking them all down at once with joy and abandon.
Silly me.

So what's the point? Well its simple really. I can except my fate and continue to plug away while my insides whither or I can fight.....fight for every spare second I have and live them purposefully....knowing that there in lies my the arms of Christ. I need to make it a priority everyday that He is first....before the laundry...before the kids...before dinner prep and gymnastics class. I have to fight for the Lord. I have to bang down the doors of heaven in every spare second of the day because I believe that God will answer. And I have to squash the distractions and the ploys of the enemy that somehow folding underwear is more important than spending a moment in prayer.

Every mom I have ever talked to has told me the same thing. They wish they had more time for God. And the sad part is that these aren't my kids...or my house...or heck, even my underwear for crying out loud. So I guess the answer is we fight....we find the time. Even if its ten minutes...even if its five...its so much better than none. Otherwise, what do we have left to give. Certainly not the best of ourselves....certainly not enough to hold a well armed fight against the enemies tactics. We aren't just fighting for ourselves, but for those we love...our homes...our finances...and the world at large. We have to been in the presence of the Lord continually to know His heart. We have to be watching and waiting.

"And the Lord said, “Who then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his master will make ruler over his household, to give them their portion of food in due season? Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes. Truly, I say to you that he will make him ruler over all that he has. But if that servant says in his heart, ‘My master is delaying his coming,’ and begins to beat the male and female servants, and to eat and drink and be drunk,the master of that servant will come on a day when he is not looking for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in two and appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that servant who knew his master’s will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more."
Luke 12:42-48

So there it is....I have to fight. Everyday. I have to let heaven hear my voice. I have to roar.
I'm not just gonna stomp on them....I'm gonna be a dandy lion.

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