Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Its so much harder than you think....

So I wrote not that long ago about change. And yes I'm still excited for it. But its a little harder than I thought to actually get through. There is part of you that wants everything to change at once just for the sake of needing a change of scenery. Then there is part of you that grieves the changes that hurt a little more...the ones that transition what you're used to, what you've relied on, into this strange, alien form and that is such an awkward and uncomfortable change.

It can be both liberating and terrifying to start from scratch. Then there are the changes that you are dying to make but you know you have to wait for a bit to make them and its total agony. Its like watching the grass grow. You are so over the present scenario but there just aren't all the pieces in place to make the big leap.So in the end, I feel a bit displaced and, well, weird. Its a bit lonely out in the middle of this ocean, sailing the boat alone and having no idea where you're headed or how long it s gonna take to get you there.

So yeah. But I'm hoping to set up my classes this week.Oh yeah, I forgot that part. I'm enrolling in some online classes in creative writing and possibly publishing. Things are shaping up for me little pieces at a time. Its just hard being patient and letting them happen, while having to let go of some big chunks of my life and saying goodbye to comfort zones. Its heart breaking but necessary. I'm just trying to die with dignity.

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